Warning signs that you’ve been controlled by a narcissist and what to do about it.

Are you in a relationship and not sure if it is toxic or healthy? Have boundaries being crossed, causing you discomfort?

If you are having a hard time in a relationship, and you are feeling you are being controlled and manipulated,  it may be time to check if you can recognise any of the signs listed below.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder characterised by self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and unconscious manipulative behaviour.

This person, whether a romantic partner, friend, or family member, may be controlling you and hurting your personal and professional life. But there may be more to it than that. This narcissist may also be affecting your self-esteem.

Do feel you have a narcissist in your life who is controlling you?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition which often requires diagnosis and attention of trained medical professionals. I am not a fan of labelling people, however, if you notice any of the signs listed below, it may help you realise if you have a narcissist in your life and how to overcome their toxic behaviour towards you. 

What is mind control?

The basic definition of mind control is brainwashing and persuasion that is done to your inner thoughts, ideas, and beliefs.  Mind control involves manipulative tactics that help the person impact your mind and behaviour. 

It can take different forms, but narcissists are skilled at using this technique to manage you. 

It is important to highlight that a narcissist only interested in satisfying their own needs, sometimes at the expense of others,  so controlling you is just part of their game.

A big part of mind control is coercive persuasion, a form of psychological manipulation wherein the manipulator uses different techniques to coerce someone into doing what they want. Some persuasion tools include: threats, rhetorical questions, use of self-name or social status – or even flattery or showering their “victim” with gifts.

The persuasion puts the victim under extreme stress and anxiety. 

Subtle control. 

Narcissists know to how to use subtle control, so you don't even realise you're doing what they want. 

Narcissists use trigger phrases to control you. Some common phrases include disappointment and statements about their feelings: “I always have your back”, “I’ll never do that to you”.

They may remind you of how you're supposed to behave and think. 

What are the warning signs of a narcissist's mind control?

Narcissists are often seen as charming and wonderful, but the truth is that they're the total opposite. They have no empathy for others, and their sole goal is to fulfil their desires, you are just another pawn in their game. If you have a problem, they're not going to care. The key to telling if they're an actual narcissist is if they don't care that they may be hurting others with their behaviour. 

Here are some signs to look out for if you're worried you might be involved with a narcissist.

A narcissist who is using mind control doesn't care about your feelings or pain. If you have a problem, they're not going to care. 

A narcissist will use a variety of emotional and other manipulative techniques to get you to do or think a certain way. 

Flattery and “Love Bombing”

A narcissist may use flattery to make you feel great about yourself and love to control you.

Narcissistic abusers use "love bombing" to gain the trust of their victim. Gestures, such as excessive compliments and sending flowers or showering you with gifts, are used to make the victim feel wanted and cherished. This is used to create an intense, yet false, connection. Soon, the narcissist may begin to accuse their victim of not being enough. At the same time, the victim will be isolated from others to prevent them from receiving support, so they can be easily managed  

Masters of Drama: Chaos and Uncertainty

The narcissist will try to create chaos and uncertainty, so the victim doesn't know what to expect from them. This also gives the narcissist more control because they get to decide how things are handled. The victim is left so confused that they can't even know what to do or how to escape.

Gaslighting and Shifting Blame

Gaslighting and shifting blame are common techniques used by a narcissist. Not taking responsibility of their own actions.

Narcissists often use these techniques to make sure they're seen in a positive light. They do this by making the victim question their own memory and perceptions of a scenario.

Gaslighting is a term coined by the journalist Patrick Lumumba in the movie Gaslight. It comes from a scene in the movie where an abusive husband makes his wife doubt her own memories, thoughts, and beliefs by using a series of lies, misdirection, and contradiction. It's a way of manipulating someone by denying that there is a problem, turning the tables and putting the responsibility on the victim. They do this in a way where the victim can never "win" the argument, and the narcissist has the power to always be the victor in their twisted games.

A narcissist never takes responsibility for their behaviour, so they blame someone else for their problems or mistakes. It can help a narcissist retain a positive image in the minds of others and maintain the status quo.

How to break free from a narcissist?

It's usually not easy to get away from the mind control of a narcissist. Mind control is a form of emotional abuse. It involves a form of systematic manipulation that can make the target feel as though their life revolves around the narcissist. 

It is also important not to be rude or make the narcissist feel insulted in any way. While it may seem counterintuitive to play along with the narcissist's denial, this can actually help you later on.  Avoid getting into arguments with narcissists, this will only make things worse. Understand that narcissists don't have the ability to listen to others and don't care about their needs. They won't care about your needs and desires, either. The narcissist will make claims that he or she is the victim, and the victimiser is someone or something else, just remember that the narcissist is lying and is the cause of all the issues.

Distance Yourself

Avoiding the narcissist physically may not be enough to escape his or her control. Any type of communication, such as phone conversations or even texts, can place you back under their thumb.

Support is Essential

In some cases, the victims require outside intervention and help to get away. You may need to seek help from a trusted family member, friend, or therapist to figure out how to escape. Support is essential.

Trust your Instincts

Do not delay seeking help, trust your instincts.

If you are in Australia, visit your GP who may write you a mental health plan, so you can get a rebate from Medicare. Otherwise, you can contact a therapist directly and make an appointment, you don't need a referral to do this.

The mind control that a narcissist can perform may astound you. They're capable of convincing you of anything and making you doubt your own memory and perception.

I’ve done nothing but love you 

They're able to get inside your head with a simple phrase. Take care of yourself by learning how to deal effectively with a narcissist.

Know your Self-Worth.

Narcissists can be as charming as they are devastating. The key to break this hold is to know your self-worth.

Wellfulness Tips for a Balanced Life

No one is perfect,  please stop being so hard on yourself.

It is impossible to have perfect days every day, to be happy and not worry about anything. The more we try to make every day perfect and not to feel anxious about it, the more anxious about it we feel and then guilt: how can I possibly feel this way with all the good things I have? Oh no! We all have been there at one point.
Life presents challenges, that is a fact, what is possible is to be in peace with yourself even during those challenging moments, and that is what matters and you can achieve that by finding balance in your life.
Here are my top tips to achieve that balance:


Set the intention of the day, relax your mind, feel energised. Guided, self-guided or just taking mindful minutes to yourself makes a huge difference in your overall senses of wellness. Check out this blog on achieving mindfulness with meditation


Mindset is the key to be successful on any task. You know how the popular say goes: either you think you can or you can’t, you are correct.

Set Goals & Prioritise

Feeling stuck? Well, you need to set goals. Our anxiety comes from the unmet expectation of how our lives should look like and how it is. Good news: is up to you to close that gap! by making changes by either managing your expectations (I am at the right place, at the right moment and at the right time) or by making actual changes to your life. How? answer this question: What does need to change that will make your life better? Focus on the answer, not on the problems or *cough* excuses. List everything, what is going good and what is not going so good, in all the aspects of your life. Then, take the ones you feel need improvement and after that focus on the easiest task, the achievable one. Start there. Tip to trick your conscious to move past the excuses: “If I could do it, how would I do it? This is my favourite one!!

Good nutrition

We are what we eat. Try to avoid highly processed food or with high sugar content. It’s been proven that sugar may be a contributor to depression. Drink more water, always. Also, stop labelling food, there is not such a thing as good or bad food. All food is good, full stop, you need to be mindful of the impact it has on your body, full stop, moderation is key.


Listen to some soothing music you like. Soak in a nice warm bath. Simply take a break from your stressful workload and spend the day just goofing around doing the things you love.

Aromatherapy and Essential Oils

Each kind of essential oil have their own properties and characteristics, blending a selection of essential oils together in an aromatherapy diffuser can make wonders to relax, inspire, improve sleep, cope with stress, weight loss and have healing properties.

Spirit Animals on the Spotlight: A key to find your soul purpose

Are you trying to work out what your life purpose is? Why don't asking yourself what my spirit animal is? Spirit animals can provide guidance and finally helps us get answers.

Are you really talking about Spirit Animals?

Look, I know what you are thinking, all this spirit animal thing sounds so mystical, and it is usually disregarded or subject of jokes but if you observe it with a curious mind maybe it is the key to finding out your soul purpose.

The Spirit animal concept comes from centuries ago, many cultures like the Incas, native American, Egyptians and the Australian Aboriginal people incorporate the notion that each human being has a spiritual connection to another physical being: plant or animals.

Many will still think that this is a childish game but how is that belief serving you? So why not giving it a go?  Open your mind and find guidance on the symbolism an animal represents.

You may discover a more prosperous life with greater meaning, find a new respect for nature and love for all animals, big and small, start trusting the signs you receive from the universe welcoming synchronicities and opening yourself to a new way to know and love yourself.

I have to be honest with you

I felt the same way about it until a couple of nights ago that my friend texted me a picture of a dragonfly because “you like them so much” and it sparked my curiosity. I like them so much because in one way or another they always are present in my life and when I see one I feel at peace.

The dragonfly IS my spirit animal!

Before then, if you ever asked me about my spirit animal, I would've said something bigger like a dolphin or a tiger; like if an insect can’t be my spirit animal as has to be something with more authority like a tiger or something cute like a dolphin. It’s not about that, it’s about the meaning! Duh! Beliefs, right?

How to find your spirit animal.

Your spirit animal is the one that always shows up in your life, and no matter what, you always see it, around you, on TV, magazines, books etc. They’re always showing up in your life. Ask your friends also: is there any animal that I randomly always mention?

According to experts, a person can have multiple spirit animals and even have an animal showing up to give them insights and assistance on a solution to a problem. It is said that we, as human beings, possess at least one Spirit Animal, or totem, in our lifetimes that serve as our personal protectors, guides, helpers and companions. But usually, it is common for us to have many Spirit Animal helpers throughout different periods of our lives. Animals that show up to teach us a particular lesson or provide the guidance we need at that very moment.

Meditate and ask you Spirit Animal to show up!

Keep your eyes open, you are more connected to this world than you want to think. All the noise in the world make us believe that we humans don’t belong to nature, see what we’ve done to our beautiful beaches with all the plastic pour into the ocean? It’s time to change and find our way back to nature!

It is easy to miss the message. If I missed it, so can you!

You may say it was obvious that the dragonfly is my spirit animal, look around you and see the evidence (refer to pics and you'll know what I mean), you even have it in your logo, you silly!!

I know!

How could I possibly miss it?

Because I wasn't paying attention! or I didn't want to believe in it.

I have always been captivated by dragonflies.  All over the years, I’ve collected many items that symbolise dragonflies including gifts from friends and relatives. I never thought of any deeper meaning than “I like dragonflies” full-stop.

But what was the meaning of it? I found this article online explaining that seeing dragonflies mean that your thoughts create reality and when a dragonfly totem shows into your world means: “here are lessons to be learned, and “what you think” is directly proportional to what you “see on the surface.”  Your thoughts are responsible for your physical surroundings. Thus, your Dragonfly meaning tells you that you must move through these illusions and “think” your dreams into reality.”

Then goes into saying “People with this insect as their spirit animal utilise light to create illusions and to transform consciousness. They are always ready to handle the future. Therefore, they continually seek knowledge and wisdom.”

That knowledge and wisdom that I now share with you, to let you know that your belief system is the one that is creating the reality you live in and if you don't like it, you are the only one who can change it so you live your life to the fullest.

Hello!??!! Seriously! How did I miss it all these years? Look at the evidence!! (this is just a small sample)

Do you think your spirit animal can be the key to find your life purpose? Which is your spirit animal?

Easy Strategies to Help You Overcome Emotional Eating

Emotional eating is a common denominator of most of us, the serial dieters, the ones who had tried almost every diet under the sun, successfully losing weight but haven't been able to keep it off. Addressing it with these simple strategies will help you not turn into food to cope with negative emotions and achieve your healthy eating and weight loss goals.

Most of you know that I recently changed career paths and I am now 100% dedicated to my online projects. I’ve been toying with the idea of starting this website for way too long, and no matter how many times I put it on my vision board or my goal’s spreadsheet, I didn’t take action. I made hundreds of excuses, but the main issue was: resistance


Resistance is a natural reaction, and I overcame it with hypnotherapy. Showing my brain that is okay to change paths, becoming aware of the blocks that didn't let me move forward and opening a communication line with my inner voice

But it wasn’t always that way.

One of the things I was doing to shut my inner voice up was eating, not just eating but binge eating. I could quickly go through half a big packet of chips without me realising it. In our first session, the hypnotherapist asked me if I listened to my inner voice, I replied: No, I shut it up with chips.

That was my first step

to realise that I was using food to deal with emotions, to make excuses, to procrastinate and to escape from a reality that was no longer serving my purpose.

Easy Ways to Stop Binge Eating
Photo by frankie cordoba on Unsplash

Emotional Eaters find it hard to stick to a diet.

I’ve been an emotional eater all my life and even though I’ve been successful in my desires to lose weight and haven’t manage to keep it off long term.

I know what to eat, I know about portions, and I know about combining food and I know I’m most successful when I follow a well-designed meal plan but what I didn’t know is how hard is to stick to a diet when you are an emotional eater and that until I address it, I’ll be a serial dieter all my life.

Emotional eating is about how food is used to shift an emotional state, using food as a coping mechanism

Food was comforting because at least for those short minutes that the binge lasted I didn’t have to deal with any emotions. Keeping my mind occupied munching on those chips gave me a way to cope with the moment.

But sure, there is a healthier way to do it. Then I went into finding ways to break this emotional eating cycle and it is possible!!

Become Aware

90% of our reactions are formed in our subconscious, mostly from learnt past behaviours and because the binge eating happens so quickly, we may not have time to notice it may respond to certain triggers and follow a pattern or motifs. Becoming aware of this patterns and themes is an important step to get a clear idea of the contributors will help you find your own personal way to deal with struggles.

These questions will help you monitor your emotions and triggers. Keep them handy, maybe in the notes section of your phone. Remember that there are no right or wrong answers, the purpose of this exercise is to identify what lead you to the latest episode of emotional eating.

What was happening that might have triggered that reaction? What emotion was I feeling? What were my thoughts at that moment? What physical sensations was I feeling?

Stop labelling food as good or bad.

Food is food, and all food is allowed, balance and moderation are recommended though. When we start thinking as a particular food as forbidden, like the chips in my case, our mind will focus on that specific food, and we will end up craving it. Resistance, ironically, will drive you to eat it and your brain will take it as you need it, but if you just look at food as neutral, not putting any limits or restrictions, there would be less of an issue with food cravings. Trust me on this one, it works!

Don’t eat unless you’re hungry

Yes, that’s a difficult one but learn to listen to your body and start recognising your body cues. You’ll soon begin to identify when you are hungry or when you just have the urge to eat due to emotions. When you have that urge, stop yourself on your tracks and drink a glass of water instead.

Once I read that when you feel like eating something and not knowing what you feel like it is a sign that you need to drink more water.

Check this post out on how water is essential in our lives and dehydration may lead to depression. I know, mind-blowing!

Cook and Eat Mindfully

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and aware of your thoughts, emotions and feelings. Eat mindfully means to be fully conscious of what you eat and the effects of the food on your body.

Show gratitude to the fact that you can cook with healthy ingredients and the food you are taking is nourishing your body. Being fully present at the moment of eating the food by noticing the colours, aromas, texture and carefully chewing each bite, tasting the different flavours.

This will also aid digestion because as Dr Victor R Benavides V, always says: “Digestion starts in your mouth.”

Mindset Shift

You are loved, you are worthy, you are safe. You've got this, and you can change your habits. Start by saying positive and nicer things to yourself. How many times we have looked our reflection in the mirror and said, “oh gosh! My bum looks too fat in these jeans”; sometimes we are too hard on the words we use to refer to ourselves, bringing us down and guess what, making us turn to food to cope with that sadness.

Showing kindness to yourself will increase your self-esteem, and you will start to make healthier choices.

Achieving Mindfulness with Mindfulness Meditation

Tending to your feeling of mindfulness is the most crucial step of self-actualization. Through meditating in a neutral sitting position, we can practice this mindful presence within us. Buddhist tradition teaches us that there are various meditations that are each meant to incite a different state of consciousness. A lot of them are usually perceived as trying to change some part of us through the meditation process, and yet mindfulness meditation is meant to create the exact opposite effect on us.

First of all: Acceptance

Through this type of meditation, we try to be mindful of us, our personal and outward actions and try to acknowledge and embrace ourselves, instead of trying to figure out a step to seek to change something within us. It is kind of counter-intuitive at first that a meditation that’s trying to better ourselves uses a technique that teaches the opposite. But in the end, acknowledging one’s emotions and struggles is the most important step at self-healing and self-acceptance. We all must experience this level, because as with all meditative levels, the first level is as important as the last.

The process of achieving full mindfulness

This type of meditation is practised by accepting one's thoughts, and state of mind, which have distracted us away from the focus on breathing. Many different techniques and methods differ very slightly from each other, but in general, all of them are trying to accomplish the same goal in the end.

We start the meditation with our eyes closed, in some techniques fully, while in others they can be slightly opened and focused on the floor in front of us.

Sit comfortably. You can sit cross-legged position on a soft and non-distracting surface, or on a chair with both feet on the floor, you can put an item blow if you are short like me, the aim is to keep our feet from dangling. Whatever the case, the back is always standing straight.

Focus your attention on the movement of your abdomen, while we control the pace of our breath. In some techniques, it is taught to inhale and exhale only through the nose, while in other techniques to inhale from the nose, and exhale through the mouth. You can use whichever method you prefer. The goal of this meditation is to try and keep our mind on our breath and body language. Whenever we become distracted from our breath, passively notice the wandering of the mind and accept the fact that we have drifted from reality. With this teaching, one agreed to the reality of what has happened, with an accepting and non-judgmental state of mind, and gently return our attention back to our breath and body.

How long should I meditate for?

The mindfulness meditation usually lasts around a short 10-minute mark, especially for people who are new to meditating. As you practice it regularly and more determined, the technique becomes much easier to grasp and control. Eventually, one should stop focusing solely on their breathing, and extend their focus into the awareness of one’s thoughts and feelings. Mastering the mindfulness meditation is the next important step for self-improving one’s life.

If you need help to start meditating, I suggest you start with guided meditations, you get the same benefits and you’ll learn how to feel more grounded an in touch with yourself rather than feeling lost trying to quiet your mind. I know that time is an issue for most of us but you’ll find time to this because you’ll experience the benefits almost immediately, feeling more relaxed and in tune with yourself.

Take a look at Seven Minute Mindfulness audio program available on the Wellfulness shop

Listening to Music: an easy way of self-care

Do you know that listening to music is another way to care for yourself? Have you noticed the effects on your mood after listening to a song you like or to an upbeat one? And of course, your preferences may differ from mine, but music has the same impact on every one of us in a personal and distinctive way.

Music is primal and exists since the very beginning of humanity. A mum singing a lullaby to her baby have soothing effects and helps with bonding. Cultures around the world tell different stories through music, some ancient ones prevail until today.

Studies have shown that music creates peak emotions and a study from the University of California in 2009 showed that there is a part of the human brain that “associates music and memories when we experience emotionally salient episodic memories that are triggered by familiar songs from our personal past.” meaning that music connects us with deep and meaningful memories. Based on this, it is not surprising that listening to music increases the amount of dopamine released by the brain translating into a feel-good state.

Music increases the amount of dopamine, the feel good hormone, released by the brain in response of a rewarding stimuli.

I recently asked in some of my Facebook groups suggestions of feel-good commercial music to add to my playlist. Macklemore is a favourite, and I certainly know why! His songs and collaborations with other artists are spot on. Here is the list of all their excellent suggestions, my favourite part of the songs and also, of course, my favourite ones.

Flames - Sia & David Guetta

David Guetta and Australian singer-songwriter Sia bring this awesome, vibrant, feel-good song. Can you tell it is my new favourite?

"One foot in front of the other babe
One breath leads to another yeah
Just keep moving, oh
Look within for the strength today
Listen out for the voice to say
Just keep moving, oh
Go, go, go
Figure it out, figure it out, but don't stop moving
Go, go, go
Figure it out, figure it out, you can do this"

Just take it easy, we are not perfect but as long as we keep on moving, that is what counts.

Claudia – Wellfulness

Moana How Far I'll Go - Auli'i Cravalho

“One day I’ll know how far I’ll go”

Felicity said she may have watched this movie more times than her son. It's a beautiful movie, very empowering, follow your dreams and push yourself to achieve what you meant to do in this world.  Felicity, one day probably you'll know how far you go (when you finally publish your blog, just saying, lol! no pressure! LOL)

Felicity Green - Wellfulness blogger

This Is Me - The Greatest Showman

Have you seen this movie? Wow! and I meant WOW!  It is great, mood lifting, a heartwarming movie in a non-cheesy way. Even if you don’t enjoy musicals, it is a nice watch. Thanks to Kelly Webb – Live Well. Be Well for this great suggestion and I watched the movie after seeing this video on Youtube and I wasn't disappointed. I think this movie will be added to my collection of "Best movies to Watch"

"I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me"

Glorious - Mackelmore

Song by American rapper Macklemore. I seriously couldn't stop listening to this song after it was suggested by Natasha Stewart from Business Jump. It got me going for days and still is! Motivation at its best, as always!

"I feel glorious, glorious
Got a chance to start again
I was born for this, born for this
It's who I am, how could I forget?
I made it through the darkest part of the night
And now I see the sunrise
Now I feel glorious, glorious
I feel glorious, glorious"

One More Time - Daft Punk

Suggested by Mel Driver from Embalm Skincare, awesome song, definitely will be listening to this while doing the skincare routine you shared in your website

Music's got me feeling so free
We're gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time

Run the World - Beyoncé

Rani, you run the world with your time-saving - yummy recipes.

The beat is very uplifting, I love Beyonce and her #GIRLEMPOWERMENT

Suggested by Rani Hansen - You Totally Got This

Hold On - Wilson Phillips

This is an oldie but a good one. It always gets me signing from the top of my lungs (sorry world, I know I am not a good singer - know yourself: weakness and strengths, right?, but I can't help it, I love this song)

"I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on"

Shared by me, Claudia – Wellfulness

Good old days - Macklemore

Another good song from Mackelmore, recommended by Cynthia Torok from The Intimates Collection

Maybe I've been missing what it's about
Been scared of the future, thinking about the past
While missing out on now
We've come so far, I guess I'm proud
And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile
I've got some scars, I've been around
I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now

These Days - Rudimental & Macklemore

Thanks Marissa Towndrow from Renovating Mums for this great recommendation!

I love the message of this song! Nothing is permanent, and all is relative. Even when things are not great sometimes, it is called life, and maybe one day we will look back to that moment and smile because the days that may have looked a bit rough were the best because they helped to shape who we are.

I added these and a few more to my Youtube playlist (press here to check it out) and listen to all and turn the music up.  Listen to it while working or at home, when doing some house chores like cleaning, washing up the dishes, tidying up or take a break and dance around your place (take the chance and dance like no one is watching!). Not only will you get your heart rate up, but it will also lift your mood.

What's your favourite song?